This chapter is about the time I almost got raped. This will portray sexual assault in a humorous light. I did not find it humorous at...

I met a girl online that came on particularly strong. She had just returned from an orgy in Vermont. For the sake of fictionalizing these...

I’m currently on four dating sites. OKCupid (most popular), Tinder (mobile optimization), Bumble (women go first), and Feeld (bisexual...

Driver's Log; Various Dates, Scores Strip Club: A Wednesday Night I'm winding my way through Mount Vernon. I can't find the pickup, the...

Driver's Log 12/11/14, Evening, Dundalk: I'm stuck behind a black Lamborghini that is limping its way down Dundalk Ave. Yes, a...

Driver's Log 12/03/14 Afternoon, N. Gay St. and North Ave: I'd never actually seen dude beat the shit out of guy with a golf club until...

Driver's Log 11/21/14 11:03PM EST: I pull to the gate of a northern Baltimore fenced community. There is an awkward silence while I...

Driver's Log 11/21/14 2:04AM EST: The GPS buzzes and displays the location of my fare. Instead of an address it just shows me to a set of...

Driver's Log 11/02/14 1:41AM EST: The switch back to standard time has given everyone an extra hour to get drunk. I roll into Towson and...

Driver's Log 11/15/14 Sound Stage: Someone big must be at Sound Stage, half my fares are going there. I pick up the first group from...

Driver's Log 11/02/14 3:00AM EST: Due to the time shift my body thinks it's 4AM, but I enjoy driving at this time of night. Baltimore's...

Driver's Log 11/01/14 10:36PM EDT: Two large black SUVs and myself circle a set of luxury high-rises in Towson. All three of us are...

When Chris Bathgate approached me to write the forward of this book, I pitched him the premise, "Chris Bathgate is not a Renaissance Man."...

Aries 3/21-4/19: Do to a routine "Project Strike Back" investigation of all Americans that have received federal student loans, the FBI...

Aries 3/21-4/19: The 12 year-old you have been chatting up on the internet is actually an FBI agent. Just a 'heads up'. Don't worry,...

Week two of my weekly horoscope column: Aries: Seriously, you must be the laziest piece of excreta the Almighty ever beer-shit onto a...

I've decided to abandon all my current pursuits in favor of offering a free weekly horoscope: Aries: Most people will think well of you...